Him

I find it so awkward my heart can hardly bear it. And i know that he cannot see the darkness flowing beneath my skin.
He tells me he cares for me still, but i know, that it will never be the same.
It will never be quite so beautiful, i will never be quite as sweet for now, now i am tainted with something.
I corrupted myself to fit his will, and now, the corrupted new me has no home.
I know not of how to turn myself back. The single quality i had, which could have made me pretty, was my odd and lingering purity. I did not want it then, but now i understand why they told me to hold on to it.
It was the only thing about me worth saving, and i gave it away.
I don't even believe he wanted it.
He says he does, says it mattered, but how can i believe that?
Of all things.
And still, i wouldn't take it back for the world.
I wanted it. Wanted it done, wanted it gone.
If only he could have taken everything. All of me, instead of just the fractions he removed, leaving me feeling broken, and small.
I am so fragile, yet so strong, in all the wrong ways.

I can admit to him i loved him. Every second we were together, i loved him.
And now, all he is is someone elses boyfriend. I hate that he has become so little to me, but i cannot bear to have him mean more.
And when the three of us are together, she still feels the same, amazing and wonderful, and i adore her.
Yet he seems so empty, so far away.
I've got nothing of him to hold on too... everything is worn and faded. The way he looks at me, so disidanful, as if i'm encroaching on his teritory, like i'm trying to steal something from him.
But theres nothing to steal... not truly.
He doesn't own her... and theres nothing else i could be taking.
And i hope i'm not stealing her time, or anything like that. Because i know she wouldn't let me.
But he looks at me the way devin did after beverly and i just, stopped.
Did i break her heart, and she not tell me?
Or am i just a fool for beliving we could be friends after this?