Scream

The need to scream rips my heart out every time i look at him. The need to cry, and bleed and burn every moment that passes me by. He's lost all his coulors and he's nothing but cold, and dark, and smooth. Empty and alone.
I would NEVER hurt her, and still he glares at me with daggers, that cut me deeper than i could ever go. I want to go deep, to bleed, to break knives in my skin and let the flesh heal around it.
A living monument to how he feels.
I have never felt so cold, so alone as i feel when i look at him. The void of everything he took so willingly from me, that i can never fill. I hate crying for him, i hate feeling so scared.
I was scared. Scared to tell you, scared of what was happening, scared of the word stop, of a motion, of a silence, of him.
I know not what he thought it was i needed, and yet he says he couldn't give it to me.
I just wanted to feel safe. Instead, i was scared.
Scared to dissapoint.
I was a scared little girl before all this, and now i'm a scared little girl who's broken.
Why must every word be a knife to my flesh?
I wanted to be happy for you, i know you got what you wanted, and what you deserve.
But now all i have is fear.
And i hate myself today. I can never let a boy near my skin without remembering how scared i was.
That part of my life is over, it will never return. I never want to feel anyone again, I will never.
I must be gone more than anything... I must hide. Hide all the want, all the feeling, as i hid his coulors till they faded to black.
I am not allowed to want, need, feel.
I will never be safe again. Never wanted, never needed, not like that.
Please, give me a blade, give me a promise.
Never again.