not empty

It’s surprising
The girl does not feel dead inside
Instead she is filled with pain
A certain sign of life
In her bones
In her heart
Her head
Never ceasing
A reminder that she is alive
And should be dead
Ironically also a reminder
Of how much another wanted her to live

Torn
Between these two warring factions
She sits
Sanguine
Thinking on the pro’s and con’s
Thinking selfishly
And then, thinking for others
And the worth of both sides is considered
The feeling of sunshine?
The cold of death?
Thinking how angry they would be if she were to fall one way
Thinking how they won’t even notice that when she falls the other way
A great battle has just been won

A thought, or rather a memory always appears when she thinks on this
Something someone said
About those last seconds
Were she might realize that it is the biggest mistake she had ever made
But at that point there was no way to get back
And that she had ended it all for not.

So what is her decision?
For now?
To keep on living
Until the fates turn their eternal gaze to her
And then she will
Finally
Give in
And relish in the absence of everything
For what would be her perfect eternity