Fuck.

I really need to learn to stop trying to have relationships with people i know are better than me. there must be some sort of inherant flaw that makes guys think they like me till i actually be myself.
He says he's confused. He says he doesn't know if he's actually happy with me.
He says theres thirteen other girls who want to be with him.
I knew it would happen, just as i started to get comfortable. Then why did i?
Why the fuck do i always let my guard down?
I should have known better, i'm worthless, why would he ever want me... and i knew it all along. Every time i try to communicate i just end up fucking it up. This is WHY i never say anything, just let the world happen around me.
He says he'll know by tuesday. Like i'm some sort of schedual.
I hate myself so much right now, I just want to give up, cause what the hell am i gonna do if this shit keeps happeneing? I don't know what to do if he leaves... I'm so fucking pathetic, arn't I?

He knows i'd wait forever. Through all thirteen girls, and the ones who come after that.
Its what i do, but what the hell am i gonna do waiting?
I can't help but blame myself... i should have just left well enough alone and not tried to say anything. Even just being fuck buddies would have been good, but i went and made it all emotional.
I'm so stupid, i hate myself.... And i do it every time. Should i just settle for the next boy who calls me pretty, who convinces me that i'm not scum.
but i am, and i'll always know it.


Fuck.