Ment to be?

no, not at all
infact it must have all been some horrible mistake.
I know now that I'm second best for everyone and that if anyone had the choice of me over someone else that they would pick them, because they do shine briter. I know that now. I understnad that she's better. And you know what? Thats ok with me because I knew that from the very begining. I knew all of this from the start.
But I am hopefull to a fault. That might change now though, being all out of hope and all. i still have that little ball of it in a jar that keven hasn't taken yet, but I indend for that to be his. I gave away my heart, I swept up all the little peices and handed gave them away. I don't know if I miss them yet and I hope that their safe. This little sliver is so sharp though.
I have some of anothers heart. I don't want this much. I want him to take most of it back so he can love her with it. Because thier perfect for eachother and thats the way it should be.

I wish I could kill this imitation hope that resides in my chest now. the one that feeds off of the things he tells me now. I hate it. I want to kill it. I want to sleep. Forever.
And I want who ever is reading this to know that if I do turn in paper its not because of anyone, just me and my coping methods
Theres more. theres a lot of shit, but I think I'll put it somewhere else, this is long enough as it is