Shit

I can't tell you why I feel this way, why I want to do what I've written about so many times, on all those peices of paper that I ripped to shreads. Trying to hide the evidence of my self loathing and urge to end it.

I have everything I could of ever wanted
and yet, I'm as sad as I've ever been
inside my head though, not outside like normal
I don't know who I am anymore
and I'm finding it hard to love everyone as much as they love me
I find it hard to be the person that they seem to have falled into some sort of like with
I sit quiety and feel like I'm drowning

I need a life boat
but it can't be someone else
somehow, I have to fashion it my self
Nightmares and sadness don't float
I don't know how I'm going to do this...