when did it get so hard?

I'm so ripped up, and i try to hide. Push and pressure my bones into new shapes but the truth of it is i can't handle it.

I sat alone in a room with him, trying not to touch him, trying to steal him and trying to be perfect. I don't want to need him, i don't want to hold him and keep him pressed between my fingers, but i can't let go. It's so early, the sun's not up on my life yet.
He's sweet and paitent and beautiful. I tried not to love him, and the more i focused away from him, the closer he came. With his arms pressed around me i finally felt home, i was finally safe.
And i can't have it.

So what is my solution? More scars, more pain, more memories to hold in my skin. When i think it's over its just begun and i can't let go.

Why the fuck does it have to be this hard?